EXHAUSTED. CHALLENGED. STRESSED.

Ever since becoming a mum I have felt so many different emotions that I have never felt before, and I felt like I was unable to deal with the negative emotions properly because I now have to think not only about myself but about a little human who depended on me. From right at the very second I pulled my son out and onto my chest I felt a burst of love and relief. When you think you knew what the meaning of love is from personal experiences, movies and hearing other people's experiences - you have never experienced what love is until you given birth. The first few days at home with a newborn was exhausting, challenging and stressful. Every time Winston would cry, I automatically think I had done something wrong and then there was those cries where he would cry for no reason, and that's when it started to become stressful. I felt helpless. The most challenging part for me was going from being a deep sleeper, sleeping in and not having a worry in the world, to having to mentally and physically wake up on demand - (Sigh) That was a challenge. Now I have two little different personalities to keep up with, and both kids are at a different stage in their lives - growth and development.

For the first month after giving birth to my son, we were living at my parents small two bedroom apartment. I had a queen size bed and it took up the whole room, our bedroom was so small it took literally three steps from my bed to my bedroom door - so you can imagine I was unable to fit a cot in my bedroom, therefore co-sleeping was our only option. A month went by, we got ourselves an apartment and by that time my son has got into a habit of co-sleeping and refused to sleep in his cot. But I was also not putting 100% effort on breaking his habit, because when he would wake up I would breastfeed him and he will fall asleep in our bed because I guess for me at the time it was the easier option.

Months go by we have finally got ourselves to where we wanted to be, Winston was starting to wean off breastfeeding and he was starting to sleep in his cot and he was showing signs of potty training. Then I gave birth to Little Miss Evelyn and Winston took 10 steps back and started demanding to be breastfed, he wanted to sleep in our bed and potty training went out of the window. We were back to day one - exhausted, challenged and stressed. This time I was more hormonal, overwhelmed and stressed. I didn't allow myself to show those emotions and I needed to be mum, take care of my babies before taking care of myself. I had to stay strong for my kids. Weeks go by things started to get easier, I started to feel myself again and Winston was starting to show signs of weaning of breastfeeding, and to be honest I was so happy because breastfeeding a newborn and a toddler is so exhausting. Now we have finally got ourselves into a little routine - Winston is 100% off breastfeeding for few months now, he shows signs of potty training now and then and he has been putting himself to sleep every night now. Evelyn on the other hand is still breastfeeding, refuse to self settle and is growing up so fast! She's only 9.5 months old, and is so determined to walk without holding onto anything.

Everyday is still a challenge with these two kids, both are at a different stage in their lives. Winston is at the stage where he is learning how to put sentences together, becoming independent little man and is going through the terrible two that everyone warned me about. Evelyn is at the stage where she is drawn to everything that she isn't allowed to touch (cords, powerpoint and anything that is a no go), she is now also trying to walk without holding onto anything and she is still discovering food. I am no longer stressed, I have overcome the feeling of being stress by taking a deep breaths and telling myself "tomorrow is a new day" - as cliche as that sounds, it works for me. I am still extremely exhausted, but I think that's a normal feeling and I have accepted that I will be feeling exhausted for a veeeery long time.

Advice from mum to another mum - Try not to let the negative emotions get to you, there will be days where you feel like you can't ignore those emotions. If you're having one of those days where nothing goes to plan or one of those days where a bad thing happens after another. Instead of letting things get to you, take a deep breath and don't let it get to you.

"Oh well, things could be worse and there's truly nothing you can do about it - it is, what it is"

or simply think to yourself..

"It is, what it is - in a few hours it will be a new day"

or..

You can accept that nothing is going to plan and don't let it affect you, and move on and have a little dance with your kids.